Chapter 2 of Miss Molly & Aspergers: Womanhood as a Women on The Autism Spectrum

Hello,
I recently have been contemplating writing a new post here on Miss Molly and Aspergers, yet I have not known or have come to know what to write about. I have asked myself many questions; is this blog still relevant or going to continue to relate to the Autism world and upon asking myself this question I got my answer. of course! I do not want to scare those of you who are still in your teen years, however I am not going to lie, there is a whole other ball game with Autism in Adulthood and Adulthood itself.

I have been gifted upon graduating into the Adulthood a bigger pond to swim in. Below I am going to list the positives and the not so positive and those not so positive points I am going to be using Miss Molly and Asperger's to write for you; my hindsight, experiences and development as a young woman and adult on the Autism Spectrum. I hope to give you some skills to have ready in your kit which can help ease your transition.
P.s Even if you are not on the Autism Spectrum as any young adult or even older adult, if any of my advice is relevant or helpful to you are more then welcome here! So please don't be shy to subscribe!

Independence/Freedom:                                                                                             
Responsibilities/ Library fines - Its on you!

More people/places/options to make friends:                      
More opportunities to be taken advantage of (A sad but true fact and there is no need to be discouraged! There are plenty of kind hearted people out there too. I have a few solid people in my tribe and I wouldn't have found them or been certain of their true natures if I had not have met and been involved with some of the crueler people in this world - you just can't trust everyone and us Aspies are naturally very trusting... more on that to come!)

Live in your own place:
Solely up to you to keep that roof over your head 

Choose when and where to study:
Need to motivate yourself (now you don't have a parent telling you to get out of bed to go to uni anymore)

Can date whoever you like:
The only boundaries in place are your own - so if they are a jerk you haven't got your parent to back you up on why they cant come around anymore.

You can choose whatever you like to spend your money on:                                        
Just remember Rent, Food, Bills come first! You might make a few mistakes here I'm still learning trust me you can't eat that brand new handbag! 

Its up to you when and (IF) you do housework!         
"The house is gross and I swear the clothes in the pile are coming from a vortex because I don't think I even wore those - I might just wear them as they look unworn and I have nothing clean! I can't eat because there is nothing in the whole house which is clean to eat off... oh wait maybe the ice cream container lid under the sink will work for a plate!"

You can stay up as late as you like!                
If you thought meeting Lisa for coffee to work on that assignment the following morning you might be greeting her already having had 3 coffees or you don't show up at all!

Your dog or cat gets sick?                                 
The Vet isn't going to ask for your parents credit card.

You can eat whatever you like for dinner!                   
Be careful here as you may or may not get malnourished or develop a dairy intolerance from only eating a pint of Connoisseur a day with a protein bar now and then for lunch or end up crying over how much Uber Eats made out of you plus five kilograms.

That is all I have for tonight because if I'm not careful I'm gonna struggle getting up to in fact meet my best friend for coffee at teen am haha! 

I hope I haven't scared you, you don't need to be and I don't want you to avoid making similar mistakes because if I didn't make these I wouldn't have learnt from them or be able to give you this post and help you along the way.

Thank you so much for stopping in, speak again soon,

Love Molly

Dealing with Close-Minded and Unaccepting People

If you have Aspergers or support someone with Aspergers it is highly likely you have met or come across people who not only misunderstand you and Aspergers. They refuse to learn how they can understand!

As I have said many times:
You can give and provide them the information as much as you like. People are not going to read it unless they want to.
Close minded people do not change their way of thinking once they believe something.
So if they think people with Aspergers are weird, not normal or they find your differences annoying. They are going to continue to believe this no matter how much information you provide. 
We now know these people are not going to change (just like we can't change who we are).
Now this is where we need to learn how to deal and cope with these people.

The most common places you will find close minded people are:
Through social networks, such as:

• School

• In your family

• Workplace

• Family friends

• Friends of friends

• Online: such as Facebook, twitter, forums, etc.

What are the signs a person is close-minded, intolerant and misunderstanding?

• They do not tolerate your behaviours, such as common things you do and say.

• They ignore you or get easily distracted when you are explaining Aspergers to them.

• They continue to be mean and tease you for your behaviours, even after they have been told of why you are doing things in certain ways.

• They get easily irritated and annoyed by you.

• They ignore you and exclude you from social situations and events.

• They confine to people who dislike you and your behaviours.

• They find reasons to put you down all the time.

• They gossip and complain to other people all the time about you and your differences.

How do we deal with these people? 

•  Remember you cannot change them.

•  Accept you can not change them.

•  Remember they can only effect you if you let them! 

•  Brush off when they tease you or complain about you.

•  Know that if that is how they treat you, you're better off not being their friend anyways! 

• Do not change the way you are or how you do things because they want you to! In society everyone needs to learn to tolerate each other. Therefore you do not have to change because someone is intolerant of you! 

• Continuing to be the nice person you are despite how rude they are to you. This shows that you are a better person! The good people will see this and their true colours. However with this tip; if they are doing something that crosses the line to the point they are taking advanatage of your niceness and maturity. Do not hesitate to stand up for yourself, or involve someone who can help you! 

• Remember just because they say something hurtful or degrading about you, does not make it true! When people say mean things it is because they do not understand. (Such as saying, werid, crazy, unnormal, etc.)

• Remember even if they don't have Aspergers they have habits and things they do that need tolerating! Therefore they have no right to not tolerate the things you do!

• Keep smiling! Nothing gets up their nose more then seeing they don't affect you!

•  Surround yourself with people who are open-minded, accepting and tolerant. These people see the beauty in your differences unlike the close-minded people.

•  If they have made a mean statement or comment about you or Aspergers; remember they are close minded people for a reason! (They don't change their way of thinking) So do not comment back trying to prove them otherwise! They will only come back with more aggravation! I know it is hard when you see someone saying nasty things, but the best thing to do is to ignore it! By doing this you are showing you are the bigger person and avoiding the person getting nastier.

I hope I have helped you all! I have found this has helped myself tremendously having all these tips written out!  Remember you are a great person! Your are amazing and there is nothing wrong with you no matter what anyone says! Your differences are beautiful! They make you the very person you are!

Bye for now,
Love Molly xo

When an Aspie is made to feel Annoying

As an Aspergers girl I have experienced many times over, the feeling of being a nuisance because of  my actions and responses which are not considered normal social behavior.

The worst thing for an Aspie to experience is when a person struggles to understand us and our behaviour.  

The person instead of learning why we are different, they excluded us and  treat us like a nuisance.

It is uttermost heartbreaking for the Aspie to feel like they annoy everyone. 

Yet many do not see how deeply it affects the Aspie. Many Aspies end up experiencing depression because of this. I often think how can I change so people like me and not think I am annoying? But at the end of the day you can't help but be yourself especially if you have Aspergers.

I have a younger sister who is very capable at normal social behaviour. A person often finds it easier to interact and socialize with her rather then myself.

Then the cycle begins, I am left excluded and they continue to enjoy each others company while I am made to occupy myself.

What can you do differently when you meet an Aspie (how you can make them feel understood):

1. Accept them as they are

2. Tolerate them (they can't help the way they are, just as you can't help but be the person you are!)

3. Treat them the way you treat everyone else

4. Include them (don't exclude them) 

5. Return their efforts to be friendly.

We want to make friends just like everyone.

Take note of this quote: don't criticize what you don't understand.

~ Molly xo

Avoiding Confussion

 Aspie: A person who has Aspergers

As an Aspie I find it difficult in many daily situations; To interpret and follow simply instructions.
I often find myself asking questions to clarify what it is I am meant to be doing, but people get annoyed because I clarify too often. It is important you know I am not trying to be annoying I am just trying to understand.

Here is an example:

An Aspergers boy is asked simply to clear the table.
He would then follow your instructions and clear everything off the table. This including unfinished meals and drinks. In the eyes of the nerotypical person he is considered silly or stupid. However if he had asked before clearing the table: "Do I leave their drinks, what if people are still eating?"
He would also be considered silly, stupid or annoying for asking these questions rarely asked by neurotypical people. He may also be accused of not listening to instructions.

Aspies understand the words you say (What we hear directly). Not the meaning behind what you say. Especially sarcasm, jokes and when you tell us things that are not genuine.

Most Apies believe what they hear. We are not given enough time to think about the other properties and meanings of the words spoken, the majority of neurotypical people wouldn’t need this time because in my words: they just get it.
I find that I react before I have the time to think about what has been said, and I’ve done this for so long now it’s a habit. The influence of this is that I am afraid to stand there thinking because if I were to do this I would find myself thoroughly thinking it through as we do (we are not satisfied until we’ve looked at it from all angles).
This is when someone waves a hand in front of me to see if I am paying attention. I am often told I appear to be in my own world at times. This is usually when I am over thinking.

What we want you to understand:
I want people to understand and tolerate myself and others with Aspergers.
Our attributes shouldn’t be used against us or to humiliate us.
As well as this; you need to accept and answer our questions. They might sound silly or annoying however the point is we are people who deserve understanding.
Think about how it would feel to be in our situations. Where you would be in trouble for something you can’t help doing.
Considered rude, stupid, annoying? Well this is how we feel every day when faced common social situations.

~ Molly xo