Suicide is not your only option!

How do you keep going, when all hope seems lost? How to keep picking up the pieces, when you've picked them up again and again all your life.

Life is a journey, an obstacle course, yes it can be hard, very hard, to the point... That last option is playing in your mind on repeat. My dad could not handle lifes obstacles. I know he was just one of many many! And there it is! the use of 'past tense'... 'Was'..The reality he or the loved one you have lost, is not here anymore, here as a living person. 

Yes, people do care, you may not realise it, or maybe that few monority of people who 'don't care, ie bullies' have convinced you that all do not care. 

Now step out of your shoes for just a minute, I know this may be very difficult, your disconection from the positive, your sense of 'nothing is worth it anymore' ...does indeed affect your judgement. 

Are you a mum, a dad, a sibling, an aunty, uncle, cousin, grandparent, a best friend, a lover? How are these people going to feel? The ones who do care? And believe me they do! You not only take away your life, but you take away a massive chunk of theirs too. What do you think is going to be their reaction, when they hear your pronounced death? How would you deal knowing one of these very close people to you...couldn't handle life anymore? That you will live the rest of your life, only having their memories... Thats it, memories.. memories you will live over and over each time you are trigged with the thought of your loved one. And the endless thoughts of what the future could have been for them and.. You. 

I think about my dad... I think about the way he chose to end his life.. The way that has left me utterly devistated... and how he isn't here anymore to see how I have grown up... Into the person I have become... He isn't here to see how even though, things have got extremely hard at times for me... I kept going... And I wish more then anything I could have been there to convince him... 'Life will get better, hold on'... Because its true. Life does get better. I am not saying, that you won't see any more of the obstacles life dishes out... Because no one can promise you that... But I can promise you... If you stay and stick around for lifes journey... You will encounter the best things of life yet to come... You will see that its worth it! Holding on through the negative will make you even more grateful for the positive moments and endless posibilities that are within your reach... But they won't be, if you take away your life, all those possibilities will vanish... Along with you.

 Suicide is not the only option you have!

These obstacles are here for a reason. If life was so easy for everyone, would we really be living? If there were no obstacles, we would just be simply existing.. Because we wouldn't know what the good things are or how to appreciate them... If everything life throws out was easy!

The things we come across in life, are lessons that are learnt and to be learned, they are the very things that teach us how to appreciate the good.

Every bad experience you have paths your path of life... They allow you to build youself into the person you are meant to be. Don't end it here! 

If you are feeling suicidal, Right in this moment, please call someone for help, and I mean really call for help! an emergency department!!

If you are feeling depressed and hopeless talk to your family, your friends and/or seek professional help! 

Be reasured! 

People are here! They are here for you! They care!!! Don't give up! The is so much more life has to offer you!

--Molly xxxx

I am back! Recently moved to Perth, WA! New Topic: Social Anxiety

Hello everyone!

I am extremely sorry I have not been around for awhile now!

As the title suggests I am now living in Perth, Western Australia. After leaving Queensland for good in July.

I have so much to share with you all! But I want to keep this post simple, because myself the queen of detailing could easily write forever! Haha! (An Aspergers trait)

I now live in a lovely suburb just outside of Perth! I have a beautiful new home! There will be pictures to come!

Leaving behind my pets (how it affects an Aspie):

I had to leave two of my cats behind in Queensland. For a person with Aspergers it is very heartbreaking. I know it is hard enough for a neurotypical person. 

People with Aspergers very commonly grow attachments to their pets. This is because our pets are really sometimes the only ones who listen to us. They never judge us.
We feel accepted by them and we are not required to explain our behaviors to them.

My new schooling:

As for schooling I am now doing Distance TAFE. A certificate which will grant me year 12 equivalency and access to further learning and career choices.

I am quite happy with this arrangement as it gives me a nice break from the pressure to socially interact everyday with people I am not use to.

My developed Social Anxiety:

That brings me to another subject!

My social anxiety has become extremely prevalent and increasing worse over the past few months!

Social anxiety usually comes in hand with Aspergers.
This is because we begin to doubt ourselves as we grow older into our teenage years and adulthood. We become more aware of how our actions are being received by other people around us.

I am now finding it increasingly difficult to look people in the eye. When I become within a close distance to people I don't know I become anixous. This is causes my facial muscles to tighen making it hard for me to smile. 

I would like to know if you experience this and can relate?

I would also like to make those aware who meet me that this fear and anxiety I have (even around people close to me) is nothing personally to do with you! 

This is my own anxiety; stemmed from self doubt, fear of rejection and being misunderstood.
One of the best things you can do for me and other people with Aspergers and Social Anxiety is to expect no eye contact from us. Accept it if we look away while you talk to us. We greatly appreciate it when people do this for us.

A big thank you!

I must thank you all for supporting me through the last two years! I began Miss Molly and Aspergers at 15 years old and I have grown and developed so much since. I am sure this is evident to you.

Again I am really sorry I have not kept update with blogging. However now I can make the effort to. I have moved away from the difficulties I had in Queensland.

So now I am starting a fresh new life which is certain to bring you all very brand new perspective to my daily life living with Aspergers.

~ Molly xo

P.S Oops this post did not end up very simple. Hehe. :)

Want to see what I have been up to?

Below are my links to my hobby pages on Facebook:

My photography: https://www.facebook.com/MissMollysPhotography?ref=hl

My collages: https://www.facebook.com/MissMollysCreativeCollages?ref=hl

My jewellery: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Beauté-Beads/194550177221673?ref=hl

Fremantle Harbour, Western Australia

An insight of the inside of Depression, Anxiety and Aspergers

Today I want to share you how experiencing Depression, Anxiety and Aspergers feels and why you cannot be sure if someone is really okay.

Life is like being under a cloud. Most days it will float above, up in the sky.
It may turn black and threaten a storm but it does nothing. It builds up, getting bigger and bigger. Then one day all the build up will turn into a big raining thunderstorm that will go on for days or even weeks. That is when it will flood and life becomes a big muddy mess! You're stuck and you don't know when you will be free again.

You get along with life, however you come upon everyday struggles. You do not show it but some of them deeply affect you on the inside. This is the cloud building up. You get on with life, with the cloud hanging over you.

Everyday the cloud gradually builds up with your stress and tension.
Then one day the storm hits! You feel you can no longer keep it inside. Your tension and stress is shared among those close to you. You break down, you cry. You feel miserable, anxious, worried and cannot relax no matter how hard you try. As long as the storm carries on you show emotion to how you are feeling. You want the storm to pass but it persists.

Most people come out of the storm eventually. Then it will begin to build up again until the next storm.
People with Anxiety, Depression and Aspergers; their storms are more frequent because we build up much more frequently.
We find stress in more things. Simple things people usually brush off, we add to our cloud. Because to us, we feel it's negativity intensely.
This happens especially when you face not seeing any positives to life (Depression). When you get bullied for who you are and people do not understand you. Even when you try to teach them, they refuse to understand (Aspergers). When you feel anxious every hour of everyday, every little stress or doubt is trigger (Anxiety).

It is hard for other people to understand why we feel like this. This is because most of the time we do not show or share our storms (exception to family because they are living and dealing with the person). Mostly we feel no one will understand and it is so hard to explain how we are feeling on the inside. The rain and the thunder is released in our own time. Away from where we can be put to shame. Yet this adds to the effect of the storm because we desperately want people to understand.

You need to know:
Just because someone shows no emotion or change in emotion to how they are being treated. The stress they are being caused, or something big that's happened in their life. Does not mean they are 'okay' and they are 'dealing' with it. It means we are afraid you won't understand.

- Molly <3 xo

The Mental Health System

Last week my mum contacted Mental Health here to see if I could go back. I was dissmissed from seeing a physiatrist there after they assumed I didn't need anymore help and because I was too old to be seen.

That was last year. I have faced apon new struggles. I have been hit with Depression again after sometime and my anxiety is unbearable.
I am struggling to see positives, all I do is dwell on the negatives. I have lost all interest in my hobbies that entertained and kept me happy.
It is very common for children and adults on the Autism Spectrum to have low serotonin levels in their brain. Therefore mum and I think I should have my medication reviewed and have alternative Antidepressants introduced.

The medication I am taking is: 20mg Lexapro (Maximum dosage) and 1.5mg of Rispirodol.
I feel the Lexapro is doing nothing at all. I was previously taking 10mg. 

2 years ago it was increased to 20mg. It is unsafe to increase it passed the maximum dosage requirement. Its time I had it changed.
Mum recieved a phone call yesterday from the head of Mental Health after my issues were taken to the board to be assessed. He simply said. The medications fine. Its appropiate. There is no need for us to see Molly.

That is the biggest thing that ticks me off! After all the issues and troubles I explained to the lady on the phone last week. he thinks its fine!? He hasn't even met me, how would he know!
That brings me back to an experience last year.
I was seen by a physiatrist for a medication review and he refused to change anything, because in the first five minutes he met me, he observed, that I was simply, just painfully shy!
I am very disappointed because I feel like the system doesn't care. they are suppose to help people, not shoo them away when they defiantly need help!

I am seeing a psychologist however through a private practice. This lady I see has no control over my medication. She costs over $150 a session which it is hard for my mum to afford. Therefore I can only see her every 2-3 weeks. There also is limited amount of sessions you can have with her a year. About 10-12.

Please share your stories.

~ Molly xo