Chapter 2 of Miss Molly & Aspergers: Womanhood as a Women on The Autism Spectrum

Hello,
I recently have been contemplating writing a new post here on Miss Molly and Aspergers, yet I have not known or have come to know what to write about. I have asked myself many questions; is this blog still relevant or going to continue to relate to the Autism world and upon asking myself this question I got my answer. of course! I do not want to scare those of you who are still in your teen years, however I am not going to lie, there is a whole other ball game with Autism in Adulthood and Adulthood itself.

I have been gifted upon graduating into the Adulthood a bigger pond to swim in. Below I am going to list the positives and the not so positive and those not so positive points I am going to be using Miss Molly and Asperger's to write for you; my hindsight, experiences and development as a young woman and adult on the Autism Spectrum. I hope to give you some skills to have ready in your kit which can help ease your transition.
P.s Even if you are not on the Autism Spectrum as any young adult or even older adult, if any of my advice is relevant or helpful to you are more then welcome here! So please don't be shy to subscribe!

Independence/Freedom:                                                                                             
Responsibilities/ Library fines - Its on you!

More people/places/options to make friends:                      
More opportunities to be taken advantage of (A sad but true fact and there is no need to be discouraged! There are plenty of kind hearted people out there too. I have a few solid people in my tribe and I wouldn't have found them or been certain of their true natures if I had not have met and been involved with some of the crueler people in this world - you just can't trust everyone and us Aspies are naturally very trusting... more on that to come!)

Live in your own place:
Solely up to you to keep that roof over your head 

Choose when and where to study:
Need to motivate yourself (now you don't have a parent telling you to get out of bed to go to uni anymore)

Can date whoever you like:
The only boundaries in place are your own - so if they are a jerk you haven't got your parent to back you up on why they cant come around anymore.

You can choose whatever you like to spend your money on:                                        
Just remember Rent, Food, Bills come first! You might make a few mistakes here I'm still learning trust me you can't eat that brand new handbag! 

Its up to you when and (IF) you do housework!         
"The house is gross and I swear the clothes in the pile are coming from a vortex because I don't think I even wore those - I might just wear them as they look unworn and I have nothing clean! I can't eat because there is nothing in the whole house which is clean to eat off... oh wait maybe the ice cream container lid under the sink will work for a plate!"

You can stay up as late as you like!                
If you thought meeting Lisa for coffee to work on that assignment the following morning you might be greeting her already having had 3 coffees or you don't show up at all!

Your dog or cat gets sick?                                 
The Vet isn't going to ask for your parents credit card.

You can eat whatever you like for dinner!                   
Be careful here as you may or may not get malnourished or develop a dairy intolerance from only eating a pint of Connoisseur a day with a protein bar now and then for lunch or end up crying over how much Uber Eats made out of you plus five kilograms.

That is all I have for tonight because if I'm not careful I'm gonna struggle getting up to in fact meet my best friend for coffee at teen am haha! 

I hope I haven't scared you, you don't need to be and I don't want you to avoid making similar mistakes because if I didn't make these I wouldn't have learnt from them or be able to give you this post and help you along the way.

Thank you so much for stopping in, speak again soon,

Love Molly

Its been awhile... Life got adventurous while I was away growing into a woman

Hiya,

I must first start by saying oh my gosh... where did the time go??!
writing this post today I would like to inform you I am 21 going on 22 these days, and my gosh how much I have grown up!
This isn't such a bad thing haha. I have so much to share from the past 4 years now, its going to take some time, though now I will be able to share my experiences, life skills and how I cope as an adult Aspergers woman in my 20's.

I am now going to attempt to give my briefest summary possible as I would love to put together more specific posts which I can articulate so they will be useful for you and others instead of me beginning to write a book here and now about the last 4 years of y life haha.

So...
I made it into independence. (not a smooth adventure... but I wouldn't be where I am now if it had of been)
I am living out of home on my own lease with my amazing boyfriend.
I finished my jewellery course.
I now have a joint studio/workshop space with four of my peers I graduated with.
If you are interested to have a look at how I have been going with my jewellery see my webpage Molly Frances Jewellery Design.

I got to keep my Blue Heeler Archer, he moved out of my mums place with me. and he isn't so young anymore. His 11 now and I am having to cope with seeing him grow old and tired with arthritis. He doesn't run like he use to, slowed right down my poor boy. I love him lots.

I am going to taper this post off here now as it is 2 minutes to midnight here and I could easily spend the early hours of the morning writing away haha.

I hope to hear from you too about how your journey over the last 4 years has gone.

I have missed you.

x Molly

Sensory Overload

Hello again!

So what are sensory issues/ overloads?

Many people who have Autism and Aspergers can have a heightened sense of, taste, touch, sound, feel and sight.
A sensory overload is a common cause of a 'Meltdown'. This is typically a result of having to deal with a real dislike and discomfort of certain textures and the inability to function and process too many sounds and sights at once. Outbursts are common in such situations because processing becomes extremely difficult. Aspies can fall behind in class or misunderstand instructions due to these sensory issues. This results in further trauma as those who do not understand 'sensory issues/overloads' (teachers, class mates, authority figures) will deem the behaving Aspie as rude or misbehaving. When in fact their behaviour is a result of having a 'sensory overload' not an intention to misbehave.

My Experiences (may be different to other Aspies):

1. I can not process more then one sensory situation at one time.
For example: If two or more people are talking in the same room as me, while I try to watch the television. It deems as an impossible task for me to do.

2. I have experienced having my little sister make noises and crack silly jokes at me while I am on the phone to someone. In these situations I fail to interpret all of the information said by the person on the other end of the line.

3.Sudden and very unexpected noises will cause me to freak out physically. I have felt embarrassed on many occasions after my body has experienced jolts and spasm like movements. This is due to the arise of an unexpected loud noise, thus having no prior knowledge of needing to interpret.

4. Smell. I often smell things earlier or stronger then other people. My sense of smell is heightened. Example: If the fireplace had been lite and caused some smoking; even though my family believe the smell had dissipated, I can continue to smell its linger for days. Many times I have said 'I can smell....." And people would reply "I don't know what're you're on about".


5. Sight- I can not handle a sudden image or object coming in close proximity of my line of sight or from a blind sight. This is similar in the way of noises - unexpected or loud in movement.

6. Touch/Feel- Textures are a big issue for Aspies. Certain feelings are uncomfortable and make it difficult for to us to maintain a sense of comfort.
As a young girl (and still to this day), I removed tags and strings off clothing and could not handle the feel of thick wool jumper and oily feelings on my hands (finger food. I.e. chicken drumsticks).
These oily textures are unpleasant for me and other Aspies. Having to deal with these feelings are often avoided by using eating utensils, gloves or cleaning my hands straight after consuming.
I also could not stand handling fish bait with my hands as the feel and smell would be obvious to me on my hands for an extensive periods of time afterwards. I remember trying to get the smell out of my hands with vinegar after coming home from fishing, even when others would perceive your hands as being 'clean'.
Many times whilst road traveling, my mum had to stock up on wet wipes for me, or I would be irritable if I couldn't clean textures off my hands.
Also dish washing can be unpleasant for me too. As I get frustrated with not being able to get the oiliness out of dishes and then having to deal with the dry and funny feel of my hands afterwards , as a result of this and the soapy hot water.

Conclusion:
So basically sensory issues are a heightened sense of feel, and the difficulty of interpreting numerous noises/movements/instructions. Having these heightened senses, when an unexpected noise and sight occurs, it is in reason to be frightening and a struggle to deal with.
For these reasons many Aspies avoid big crowds, loud concerts, night clubs, 3D-Movies, shopping centers and public transport. Sensory overloads in these areas in particular are common for us. As well as avoiding over powering fragrances, certain clothing textures, certain foods, toiletries and products.

Thank you for reading!
Question: Do you have any sensory issues or sensory overload experiences to share?

x Molly

Importance of a Comfortable and Organised Environment

Hello !
Today I want to share with you the importance it is for me personally to have an orderly and pleasant environment to live, work and relax in.
Today after many months of having the same room arrangement, it began to clutter and accumulate dust under and behind furniture, as well the general system of my room beginning to slack. I also feel making a change like this is a good way of welcoming in new good and positive opportunities (mood, life, productivity, etc). As having the same room arrangement through troubled times and/or depressive periods. It generally keeps and preserves that negative mood set for me. So in order to change that mood set, I changed my room, the soul environment I wake up in and go to sleep at night. I feel so uplifted, motivated, relaxed and happy with my new space now.

Today I changed my room completely around and cleaned it up.
I cannot sleep or work in an environment that is not kept.
As well as the importance of cleanliness and organisation. I like to make my room my own special space and retreat to enjoy. Candles, ornaments, soft blankets, cute containers, pictures, posters, incense, and my fashion and stationary items kept neatly and niceness are what make an enjoyable space for me.

Aspies either thrive in an orderly environment or need not attend to keep an orderly environment at all to feel comfortable in.

However this is my preference and organisation is the best way for me to stay motivated and relaxed.

Here are the pictures of the finished result! Including my new water fountain (relaxation purposes), dream catcher, candles and my new jewellery storage cupboard :)
You can also see my feature wall of my 'works'. Including my Drawings and Photography and Digital Productions.

I would love to know whether you 'require your environment to be clean and pleasant" or 'you don't mind it to be not kept'

Hope you all enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Bye for now,

x Miss Molly

Dealing with Close-Minded and Unaccepting People

If you have Aspergers or support someone with Aspergers it is highly likely you have met or come across people who not only misunderstand you and Aspergers. They refuse to learn how they can understand!

As I have said many times:
You can give and provide them the information as much as you like. People are not going to read it unless they want to.
Close minded people do not change their way of thinking once they believe something.
So if they think people with Aspergers are weird, not normal or they find your differences annoying. They are going to continue to believe this no matter how much information you provide. 
We now know these people are not going to change (just like we can't change who we are).
Now this is where we need to learn how to deal and cope with these people.

The most common places you will find close minded people are:
Through social networks, such as:

• School

• In your family

• Workplace

• Family friends

• Friends of friends

• Online: such as Facebook, twitter, forums, etc.

What are the signs a person is close-minded, intolerant and misunderstanding?

• They do not tolerate your behaviours, such as common things you do and say.

• They ignore you or get easily distracted when you are explaining Aspergers to them.

• They continue to be mean and tease you for your behaviours, even after they have been told of why you are doing things in certain ways.

• They get easily irritated and annoyed by you.

• They ignore you and exclude you from social situations and events.

• They confine to people who dislike you and your behaviours.

• They find reasons to put you down all the time.

• They gossip and complain to other people all the time about you and your differences.

How do we deal with these people? 

•  Remember you cannot change them.

•  Accept you can not change them.

•  Remember they can only effect you if you let them! 

•  Brush off when they tease you or complain about you.

•  Know that if that is how they treat you, you're better off not being their friend anyways! 

• Do not change the way you are or how you do things because they want you to! In society everyone needs to learn to tolerate each other. Therefore you do not have to change because someone is intolerant of you! 

• Continuing to be the nice person you are despite how rude they are to you. This shows that you are a better person! The good people will see this and their true colours. However with this tip; if they are doing something that crosses the line to the point they are taking advanatage of your niceness and maturity. Do not hesitate to stand up for yourself, or involve someone who can help you! 

• Remember just because they say something hurtful or degrading about you, does not make it true! When people say mean things it is because they do not understand. (Such as saying, werid, crazy, unnormal, etc.)

• Remember even if they don't have Aspergers they have habits and things they do that need tolerating! Therefore they have no right to not tolerate the things you do!

• Keep smiling! Nothing gets up their nose more then seeing they don't affect you!

•  Surround yourself with people who are open-minded, accepting and tolerant. These people see the beauty in your differences unlike the close-minded people.

•  If they have made a mean statement or comment about you or Aspergers; remember they are close minded people for a reason! (They don't change their way of thinking) So do not comment back trying to prove them otherwise! They will only come back with more aggravation! I know it is hard when you see someone saying nasty things, but the best thing to do is to ignore it! By doing this you are showing you are the bigger person and avoiding the person getting nastier.

I hope I have helped you all! I have found this has helped myself tremendously having all these tips written out!  Remember you are a great person! Your are amazing and there is nothing wrong with you no matter what anyone says! Your differences are beautiful! They make you the very person you are!

Bye for now,
Love Molly xo

A Poem about Aspergers - written by me

Hello again. :)
Today I'm sharing with you my poem I have written about my Aspergers :)

Enjoy :)

I am different in many ways.
Some of those ways,
Affect the way I behave.
I can be crazy,
I can be clever,
But then there are days I'm under the weather.

I can be awkward, I can be shy,
Someday I'm really sad,
and I want to cry.
This is when, it gets to much,
feeling alone, when it all gets too tough.
Being misunderstood, affects us very much.

I use up a lot of energy everyday.
Trying to learn and communicate effectively.
With neuro typical people in society.

Another thing is,
I have trouble with eye contact,
It's not that I'm rude.
It's just a hard thing for me to do.

Jokes and pranks, make me very vulnerable,
Because I take things literally.
But it doesn't mean I'm dumb,
It just means I think your serious.
When you tell me something,
But you just joking for fun.

I have special interests,
One or two.
I'm actually very good at,
What I choose to do.

Look at famous people with Aspergers!
Such as Bill Gates and our history's scientists!

I may talk a little too much at times,
But I am interesting so that's a plus!
So don't be put off!
I am good company,
I'm fun to be around,
And I have many good qualities.

You need to know!
Aspergers is not a weakness.
It is an amazing personality!
I wouldn't have it any other way,
If I did, I wouldn't be who I am today!

Get to know me! Facts about me!

16 Facts About Me!
Not many of you know much about me and I really don't want to be known as Anonymous!
So.. I thought it would be a great idea to share some facts about me! I would really like to get to know you too! So feel free to leave some facts about you in the comments! :)

Fact 1: I am a huge animal lover! I love cats and frogs especially!
Fact 2: I love to photograph
Fact 3: I've lived in QLD, WA, NT, NSW and TAS! And visted everywhere else in Australia.
Fact 4: I'm probably one of the nicest people you will ever met.
Fact 5: I actually like school work.
Fact 6: One you all know: I have Aspergers and I am proud of it.
Fact 7: I've lived on an Aboriginal community and I learned part of their language.
Fact 8: I am 16 years old!
Fact 9: I find happiness in the simplest things
Fact 10: I am super shy when you first met me, but I am fun and crazy when I'm comfortable around you.
Fact 11: I am always honest to my friends, and they can trust me with anything.
Fact 12: My mum is my hero. ♥
Fact 13: I want to become a proffessional Jeweller
Fact 14: I appeciate my family and friends very much <3
Fact 15: I have the weirdest sense of humor! But my close friends love it!
Fact 16: I like to make jewellery in my spare time... Made from buttons!

Below is a picture of a necklace I made, and a picture I took of a rose from our garden.

Hand-dyed Rainbow Button Necklace

Avoiding Confussion

 Aspie: A person who has Aspergers

As an Aspie I find it difficult in many daily situations; To interpret and follow simply instructions.
I often find myself asking questions to clarify what it is I am meant to be doing, but people get annoyed because I clarify too often. It is important you know I am not trying to be annoying I am just trying to understand.

Here is an example:

An Aspergers boy is asked simply to clear the table.
He would then follow your instructions and clear everything off the table. This including unfinished meals and drinks. In the eyes of the nerotypical person he is considered silly or stupid. However if he had asked before clearing the table: "Do I leave their drinks, what if people are still eating?"
He would also be considered silly, stupid or annoying for asking these questions rarely asked by neurotypical people. He may also be accused of not listening to instructions.

Aspies understand the words you say (What we hear directly). Not the meaning behind what you say. Especially sarcasm, jokes and when you tell us things that are not genuine.

Most Apies believe what they hear. We are not given enough time to think about the other properties and meanings of the words spoken, the majority of neurotypical people wouldn’t need this time because in my words: they just get it.
I find that I react before I have the time to think about what has been said, and I’ve done this for so long now it’s a habit. The influence of this is that I am afraid to stand there thinking because if I were to do this I would find myself thoroughly thinking it through as we do (we are not satisfied until we’ve looked at it from all angles).
This is when someone waves a hand in front of me to see if I am paying attention. I am often told I appear to be in my own world at times. This is usually when I am over thinking.

What we want you to understand:
I want people to understand and tolerate myself and others with Aspergers.
Our attributes shouldn’t be used against us or to humiliate us.
As well as this; you need to accept and answer our questions. They might sound silly or annoying however the point is we are people who deserve understanding.
Think about how it would feel to be in our situations. Where you would be in trouble for something you can’t help doing.
Considered rude, stupid, annoying? Well this is how we feel every day when faced common social situations.

~ Molly xo

My experience with school work

Hello everyone, today I would like to share my experiences with school work, as maybe you might be able to relate yourself or your children to what I have to share.

Being an Aspie I have a pretty cluey mind, I am great at Maths, and I put a lot of detail into my school work, also this detailing habit almost always means I go over the word limit by hundreds in my assignments and essays.

I have a lot of trouble getting all my work done in class time, as I like to perfect what I am doing, I am also very sensitive to noise and discussions between students in class as this can make it difficult for me to concentrate on the task in front of me.

I find, particularly during Maths class, I have to process the question in my own way. If I get distracted I just have to re work out the sum even if I have written half of it already.

I have struggles interpreting questions but once I know what it means and I understand what I have to do, it just clicks in my brain and I can work it all out really well.

Maths is my favourite subject by the way, all I can say is I find everything just fits together, unlike English where there is so many variations to one question, and theories I struggle upon the most. Theories are particuly challenging for Aspies, because we are very factual and literal. Thats why maths is great its all facts and figures..which means there is a straight answer.

I end up taking a lot of my work home to finish in my own time where I can concentrate better and work while not under pressure.

The hardest thing for me with school work is when we have to take notes from videos, I don't get enough time to process what is happening on the screen therefore I cannot drop down a note on it in time. And also because the one screen is being viewed by the whole class it is very impracticable for the other students and teacher for me to ask for it to be re-winded and paused in between doting down notes. Distance Education was a great advantage for me through out my time with Brisbane School of Distance Education, I had only myself to worry about and I could have as much time as I need and the free will to pause and rewind.

I would like to aware that, having a mind that processes slower by all means does not make you dumb, I get B's and A's when I allow myself time to work at my own pace by taking my assignments home to do. Aspies can be very intelligent people they just need to have adjusted working conditions to feel comfortable, and then they can really shine and produce some magnificent work.


What are your or your childrens experiences with school work? Please feel free to reply below I am always egar to here others experiences with Aspergers Syndrome. :)


- Molly

Difference between OCD and Aspergers Obsessions

Aspergers people can have a tendency to have obsessions.

When I was four I was initially diagnosed with OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
I always wash my hands too much, and get easily upset when things were out of place.
The main reason I washed my hands too much was because I did not like the feeling of food, dirt, etc on my them. (hypersensitive symptom of Aspergers)
I apparently had an obsession over germs. I acknowledge I have a bit of OCD. However the little OCD obsessions I had were confused with my Apspergers obsessions.
This is when treatment for OCD didn't work.

Psychologists tried treating me for OCD only.
A person with OCD most of the time can be reassured which helps them stop what they are obsessing over. From my experience as a child with ASD I would meltdown and get highly upset when I was made to stop what I was doing.

Unlike a person with OCD, who does not enjoy their compulsive behavior.
An Aspie usually enjoys their obsession: Ie: An online game, school work, music, collecting, sport. cleaning etc. (Yes some of us do enjoy cleaning)
At times one obsession will become the full focus of an Aspies mind.
This will be all they want to do and concentrate on. This can be frustrating for their family members and friends.

My experience when I was a child, when I had friends I would constantly want to do this one thing.
I would spend hours doing it if I could. When they didn't want to, I would nag and wing and get upset and meltdown. This is one reasons I could never keep friends.

Overtime these obsessions will change or may never change.

Aspies have the abilitiy to concentrate and spend so much time and energy on one obsession. Aspies can become very successful people because of this. Look at Bill Gates and the scientists of humanities history.

This can be seen as an advantage. However if an Aspie becomes fixated on a negative obsession, things can become difficult and upsetting.
Examples of this are dangers, a risk to their safety/health and/or if an Aspie becomes interested in fashion or their appearance.
When an Aspie becomes aware of their physical appearance negative behaviours can become prevalent. This is because we are perfectionists. When we feel we cannot perfect, our self esteem becomes in jeopardy.

Parents can help prevent these negative obsessions by encouraging positive ones. By encouraging Aspies to concentrate on a positive obsession, positive behaviours come to place.
When we are concernating or becoming obbessive with our obbsessions it is highly important to introduce other priorities politely (Not by yelling or demanding). 
Keep watch and give Aspies guidance. Ask for help if they begin focusing on negative obsessions.

~ Molly xo